This is no joke. In fact, it’s totally nuts-o.
Me and Matt—the two guys who Super Deluxe sent to Austin to blog about SXSW—nearly had both of our apartments destroyed last night, right as we were filming at our MAKE FUNNY NOT WAR show. I got the text in the middle of Todd Barry’s set. Matt was standing backstage with Brian Posehn. Yes, comedy and potentially catastrophic news—together at last in real time!
Fortunately, our places are OK. But we feel awful for all of our neighbors who actually have been put out. With that said, there is plenty of MAKE FUNNY NOT WAR footage to come. It just got put on hold for a second there thanks to a freak fucking act of nature.
An ode to Atlanta’s public transportation.
A MARTA train, seen here cruising at a comfortable 25 miles an hour, ensuring that I am late for work every fucking day.
A MARTA employee on break, standing proud of his accomplishments while all east/westbound trains “single-track.”
Here, we see a happy group of commuters on Segways. A common sight on the train when you are on an “Out of Service” train with paid actors.
Next stop: Buckhead!
Maybe it’s time for me to get out my fucking checkbook and buy a car.
Atlanta’s very own Corndogorama just finished up and I am fucking exhausted. I consumed 16 beers, 5 corndogs, handed out 600 buttons, watched about 25 bands, and took a ridiculous amount of photos. Mastodon played. Brent kicked a guy’s camera into his face. I drank too much.
All is normal in the universe.
Hey, kids. Ole crampy figured writing corn with a k, and dog like I did would grapple with your infantile (that means baby-like) attention. Well anyhoo, all you fit ladies that keep *blowin* up my *inbox* should be aware that my olde Atlanta brethren Mastodon will be slaying at this year’s Corndogarama.
So any y’all in or with inna hundred miles of Atlanta, come and see how I role, play.
Obviously other rock groups will perform, but right now I gotta go see somebody. I’ll educate your simple asses ’bout them later.
later,
Crampaw (say it)
Look, we all know how much Super Deluxe (hearts) Ms. Vagina Power, Alexyss Tylor. In case you forgot, here’s what happened during her last visit to our offices…
With that said, somebody else recently has come to our attention who could prove to be an ASS-assin to Ms. Alexyss’ ASS-umption of power here in Atlanta. No, we’re not being ASS-inine. Just watch and study this mindblowing intro clip before you ASS-k somebody about BUFFIE THE BODY!!!
ASS-ume the position here.
Looks like our boy, Pacman Jones, is at it again! Something about a shooting at a certain Atlanta strip club early Monday morning? What was the name of it again?
Oh, yes. Club Blaze.
Well, in case you forgot about the last time Pac tore the club up, let us (and Waco & Roger) remind you…
Folks, I’ll be honest. A woman hasn’t had this kind of effect on me in a long time.
Long story short: our favorite Atlanta public access sex guru, Alexyss Tylor, stopped by the offices the other day (and let me be the first to say, those public access cameras don’t do her justice; she is one good-looking woman!). But before any of us could ask her about “large, Earth-shaking ejaculations” or “hitting the root,” she had us lined up like an Army of One Vagina, saluting her almighty Power.
Apparently, that was just the beginning. For me, at least. As I was trying to orchestrate the whole group photo thing, I think I blacked out. Because the last thing I remember is being drawn to Alexyss by some kind of Death Star-like tractor beam pull, and hearing the words, “SALUTE THE PUSSY!”
This is what my coworkers got on tape:
God, we love this woman. Apparently, there are some rather seedy folks living in some highly visible glass houses that have been throwing stones at Alexyss Tylor. But our favorite Atlanta public-access TV sex guru ain’t having none of it.
Also, please take note that Alexyss is very attentive to the “nuts,” making sure to always give them a shout-out when the “dick” comes up.
Super Deluxe is proud to hail from the same glorious metropolis as these lovely ladies. Now listen up as Alexyss K. Tylor learns ya about “the heat and intensity in they penis,” “Jack Rabbits,” a “rectum full of sperm,” and not letting men “hit the bottom of the vagina.”
We know you’re already hooked. So are we.
Check out some of her Web sites, too:
www.alexyssktylorvaginapower.com
It’s been a while since I chimed in about my move to Atlanta from the wilds of NYC, so here’s my progress report…
First off, let’s me say how stoked I am to be living in a town where it’s socially acceptable to use the word “wudn’t” in everyday life. I can’t explain what it is, but if you spent your formative years getting called a commie by Reagan-brainwashed 80s youth because you were a Russian immigrant, you’d realize that getting a Wudn’t Pass is akin to attaining the American dream. ::Cue Neil Diamond’s “America”::
Folks have had a lot to say about my grits intolerance. Someone swore that I just hadn’t found the right grit for me, going on to explain the subtleties between cheese and shrimp grits. Another devotee explained that grits were like a bare canvas awaiting my embellishment. To all of them, I say: go eat some steamed broccoli and shut the fuck up. Props, as always, to the local biscuits: I’m in ur thighz, filling ur belliez.
Also, seems most of you agree that Atlanta is full of fuckin’ crazy unattentive, maniac drunk drivers who love their cell phones. Therefore, it is with heavy heart that I must admit that I’ll soon be joining their ranks. I finally got around to enrolling in driving lessons. No, not my first ones EVER… just the first ones since I got my driver’s license (first time out, bitches!) at 17. I look forward to sharing the road with this guy:
This is a real pic I took out of a friend’s car at a red light. WTF is up with this asshole riding a 4-wheeler down Ponce on a Thursday night? I’m supposed to keep myself alive, remember to use my turn signals AND look out for douchebags like him? At least he was wearing a helmet… and probably a wireless headset.
Ya know, we had this thing called a transit system in NY—Atlanta should look into it, because it seems the city planning committee sure loves treating this metropolis like a giant Sims game (how else do you explain Atlantic Station?), so why not build a little choo-choo to run through it? Until then, look out for the Sunday driver in oversized sunglasses with the “student” flair on a tan Ford.
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