January 10th, 2008
Contributed by: El Douche APosted in: Site News
Look, the plain (somewhat chauvinistic) truth is, Fark TV produces a lot of videos for us. With a lot of cute chicks in them. We don’t know if it’s just because they’re a bunch of good-looking guys themselves (we’re staring directly at you, Drew Curtis) and we don’t care. We’re just thankful that they they consistently interject some much-needed “female touches” into our dude-heavy…um…content.
So, without further ado, we give you the lovely ladies of Fark TV. Check out their stats and cast your vote in the poll below. The winner will receive a beautiful tiara and a Swiffer. Just kidding.
(Update: Now with better photos!)
Name: Megan
Hottest Episode: The Jiggles
Why: She humps a plastic tree.
Most memorable line: “1040-A EZ Form. That’s how I do my taxes. Yeah yeah yeah.”
Best feature: That certain “I really am this bat-shit-crazy” look she has in her eyes.
Name: Stacey
Hottest Episode: Caulkin-Vawls Bank
Why: See Most Memorable Line below.
Most Memorable Line: “And of course, there’s no penalty for early withdrawal. You can pull out whenever you need to. And put it back in.”
Best Feature: Her steady anchor woman poise.
Name: Cara
Hottest Episode: Man-boob
Why: Pregnant women are hot. Fake pregnant are even hotter.
Most Memorable Line: “If you wouldn’t stick, stick, stick your junk in me, then none of this would’ve happened in the first place.”
Best Feature: Her obviously needless boob envy.
Name: Elizabeth
Hottest Episode: Caulkin-Vawls Bank
Why: She talks about a pearl necklace. On a grandmother.
Most Memorable Line: “Where I come inside the vault to store my family jewels.”
Best Feature: The fact that she’s a real-life beauty queen.
Name: The Such-As Hottie
Hottest Episode: Miss Teen Map Ad
Why: The possibility her breasts might just pop-out of that pageant dress.
Most Memorable Line: “Your map is 100% paper!”
Best Feature: Her very believable performance as a shamefully ignorant beauty queen.
Name: Armchair Chick-a
Hottest Episode: Drifter Handyman
Why: The way she be sitting and shit.
Most Memorable Line: “True story…”
Best Feature: That sexy clip-on condenser mic.
Name: Le Pillowa Female
Hottest Episode: Christian Adult Movie Awards
Why: Um, she’s in her underwear pillow fighting with Megan. Isn’t that enough?
Most Memorable Line: “Pepperoni!!”
Best Feature: Those naughty, naughty pig tails.
Name: Chan Marshall?
Hottest Episode: $50 Funeral
Why: She looks like Cat Power AND dances around in a cute pink bikini at the end.
Most Memorable Line: n/a
Best Feature: Did we mention she has bangs like Cat Power?
Name: Fake Wife #1
Hottest Episode: 107 Wives
Why: Her blind subservience to polygamy.
Most Memorable Line: “He’s just got this look about him.”
Best Feature: Her blind subservience to polygamy.
Name: Fake Wife #2
Hottest Episode: 107 Wives
Why: Her blind subservience to polygamy.
Most Memorable Line: “He just has that look about him.”
Best Feature: Her blind subservience to polygamy.
Name: Fake Wife #3
Hottest Episode: 107 Wives
Why: Her blind subservience to polygamy.
Most Memorable Line: “He loves us all the same.”
Best Feature: Her blind subservience to polygamy.
Name: Fake Wife #4
Hottest Episode: 107 Wives
Why: Her blind subservience to polygamy.
Most Memorable Line: “He loves us–each and every one of us–deeply.”
Best Feature: Her blind subservience to polygamy.
Name: Sean
Hottest Episode: Meth Coffee
Why: That big, hairy satyr look he achieves as he plays his dick-flute half-naked.
Most Memorable Line: n/a
Best Feature: His dick-flute.
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Leave a Reply
Name: Fake Wife #2
Go Fake Wife #1! Sean too
Fark farking sucks.
I didn’t throw away my vote when i chose “Fake Wife #1″ suggest YA’LL don’t either.
~Texass Pete the Honky Treat (The Swami of Salami)
You are NOT the father, Texass Pete!!
sean and I ate burgers.
That last hottie got my vote. It’s gotta be the stache.
These ccandidates only qualify as women in the loosest interpretation of the word.
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