Super Deluxers. We resolve never to use that term again. But we digress.
About a month ago, we wanted to ask a bunch of our artists what they were swearing off and pledging to do in 2008. But that never happened. Seems a certain intern forgot to hit send on a certain email before she jetted off to a certain Central American country for the winter (b.t.w. don’t come back, Amber; you shant have a pot to piss in here). So, instead, we decided to put that question to the good people that sit on the other sides of our cubicles every day. Whoever they are.
Henderson (Video Tape Eater) - “I told my wife that I’d quit hitting her. In the face. I’d also like to get my hands on one of those $5 Pizza Mia® Pizza Hut pizzas for a few hours. That would be sweet.”
Dara (Cat Washer) - “Let’s see. I work in a cube farm surrounded by loud, aggressive assholes that think they’re funny just because they work at a comedy video site. So, I’d say, I’d like my ear canals to magically stop working for the next 12 months. Either that, or get a new job at a nice, quiet law firm.”
Matt (Harddrive Abortion Technician) - “To stop doing that thing that I keep doing all the time. God, I’m just sick of it. It’s bad and it’s filthy and it drives me crazy. Sometimes, it even makes me pull over on the way home from Blockbuster and do it in the car. My orthodontist says I’m making the whole thing up. But he’s the one who showed me how to do it in the first place. And to think, I used to let him stick his hands in my mouth. Never again.”
Pusha Z (Pot Dealer) - “You know, keep things moving in 2008. Flowing, cracking, popping…um…what else? Banging. Christ, whatever. It sucks because you have to make sure you talk like Jay-Z when you’re selling $60 eighths of mids to white office drones. Or else they go buy somewhere else. So, I guess I’d like to resolve to stop that nonsense, but I can’t promise anything.”
Kif (Adult Contenter) - “Hmm. Let me think. Let me think. I suppose I could resolve to stop standing around on city corners and telling strangers that AIDS is a microscopic cooking machine designed by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Or I could finally do something about those damn pop-up ads on our home page.”
Jyl (2Legit2Quit Coordinator) - “Oh, this is easy. I’d love to do something about this open hole in my face. You see it? There’s this strange, little pink worm in there, too, that’s freaking me out. Yuck.”
RedPerm (Ticket Master/Slave) - “Give me four good plastic bags, a spool of garden hose, a copy of The Fat Flush Plan and a Toyota Camry filled with hamster kibble, and I’d resolve to actually make this infernal site funny. Beyond that, I’ve got nothing.”
El Douche A. (Gelatinous Gob of Goo) - “Jesus, where do I begin? Have you seen my face lately? It’s fallen off five times in the last week alone. So, I’d like to stop that from happening in 2008. Another big goal is get this greasy shine to go away. My doctor says I should cut down on fried foods. Growing a pair of arms and hands would help, too. Can I send you a PDF later?”
SXSW Lost In Austin Brad Neely Super Deluxe Tim and Eric Nite Live Make Funny Not War music Baby Cakes Rants Bob Odenkirk Podcasts Atlanta Jonah Ray Professor Brothers Eugene Mirman Watch and Listen odd Austin Texas interviews Olde English Fark TV Devin Flynn Y'all So Stupid Chelsea Peretti Mess With Texas 2 Super Deluxe Uploaders Site Updates Daily Inspiration Launch blogs Hard N Phirm Xmas MySpace Drugs Are Bad Mmkay Reviews Dave Hill Thank You news Frumondah South By Southwest Super Deluxe employees Super Deluxe blog Tim And Eric NYC The Post Show Ben Schwartz Cartoon Corner All My Exes David Cross
I resolve to get my dick ate in ‘08.
Um…awkward…yea, El Douche A looks like a twisted vagina. *cough*.