In January, we launched a Website and since then, we’ve thrown a lot of shit against the proverbial wall. Some of it has stuck. Some of it hasn’t. Some of it has congealed into little fat deposits around our ankles.
And then there’s the stuff that is just really fucked up. And we mean that in the best possible way. Sort of. Here’s the list:
1. Curious Crackhead - Trick Or Treat
Have a happy ironically racist Halloween, everybody! Jason Ruiz completely snorted up the line between “funny cuz it’s true” and “you’re making everybody very uncomfortable” with this episode of Curious Crackhead. First off, Mr. Curious himself is a walking, talking super-mega-stereotype of a cocaine smoker: he’s black, he’s barefoot, his clothes are stained and ripped up, he’s got food and other little bits hanging off of his face and he’s always rubbing at himself. Then, there’s the ongoing premise: Curious likes to harass unwitting white people for various crap. In this Halloween installment, he begs and pleads for candy from a waspy homeowner, at one point beseeching him to “Taste the rainbow, nigger.” But what makes this one truly cringe-inducing is the final gag. Watch it for yourself and try not to murmur “Oh, no he didn’t” to yourself.
2. 9/11 Coin
The title “911 Coin” is kind of misleading. The narrator clearly states at the beginning that the “metal supply from the wreckage of the World Trade Center has been depleted by the previous” 9/11 Commemorative Coins. So, what exactly is Dutch West selling here? A Frankenstein creation steeped in the great American tradition of tragedy profiteering. The Ground Zero side of the “Freedom-Disaster Combo Coin” is believably fucked up enough. However, the bas relief of a black family stranded on a roof in Hurricane Katrina-ravaged New Orleans is from a whole other dimension of wack; one where George W. Bush just comes out and says, “Kanye was right. I really don’t care about black people.” But the real fucked up question is, would you buy this all-too-real monstrosity? That is, if it was real? You know, just to be ironic?
3. Disnutskin
If we told you this may be the most graphically explicit video on the site, would you get excited? Don’t. Unless you like watching David Neher play with his exposed ballsack. His buck teeth, jean shorts and shit-hacked haircut are equally disturbing, not to mention the fact all of this is taking place at a wake. And that’s just in the set-up. What follows is the ultimate tea bag joke writ like an eerily familiar nightmare: we’ve all been at a solemn gathering where some jackass does something that’s wildly inappropriate. We’ve also all witnessed how grown-ass men and women are reduced to acting like children the second somebody busts out the latest prop-heavy board-game or whatever. And we’ve all had a big, saggy set of nuts jiggle and shake into our open mouths before, right? Right. Oh, and don’t forget about the diarrhea guns.
4. Panda Porn
Psst. Wanna see something real freaky aaaaaaaand real stupid? How about a grown man in a panda bear costume jacking off? Or is that too 2006 for you? Well then, how about a grown man in a panda bear costume fucking a grown man in a giraffe costume eating the ass of a grown man in a panda costume sucking the dick of a grown man in a lion costume spanking a grown man in a dear costume felating a grown man in an alligator costume all the while a grown man in a lobster costume runs around fluffing everybody? Remarkably, that’s not even the most abjectly retarded thing in this video. That award goes to Roger Black (of Waco And Roger) who plays the role of Dr. Wang Chung–the squintiest, most richshaw-pullingest Asian stereotype since the phrase, “Ching chong wing wong.”
5. Y’all So Stupid #1
“Seizure inducing.” That’s always the go-to phrase around here to describe Devin Flynn’s animated series. But it’s this premiere episode that set the fucked-up bar on high. After all, when’s the last time you watched a crack vial slowly float through a bright, flashing K-hole tunnel? Or a giant Rasta head stuff a white cop into his weed pipe and smoke him? Or an unintelligible DMT elf pop up in what appears to be a human fat cell and babble something about “bubbles?” Hmm? The true art of Y’all’s fucked-up-ness is the way Devin makes every squiggly bit of weirdness seem oddly recognizable, like we’re all sharing in the same hallucinations brought on by huffing the same expensive art store supplies in back of the same Radio Shack outlet store.
6. Bender
There are two levels of fucked up-ness to this video, and they nearly cancel each other out. The first is the obvious message here: shamelessly crappy L.A. rapper loves drugs and alcohol. Oh yeah, and pussy, too!! Haha. Isn’t he crazy?? The other is the much more tepid reality of what’s really going on: Andre Legacy and his crew seem to be just a funky bunch of Jewfroed rich kids who got their start in Hollywood decadence because their parents are “in the biz.” Where’s the proof? Cisco Adler. He produced the track and appears in the video, and we all know why he’s “famous.” Still, all hatin’ aside, an opiate-dipped crack rock does sound like fun.
7. Hands Of God
This video series begets thy question, “What the fuck do puppets have to do with the teachings of Jesus Christ?” We have no answers, but the puppeteers do. Christ, they probably think God is going to personally thank each and every one of them when they get to heaven by shoving his fist up their respective asses and making them sing “I Want To Know You.” Alyson Levy of PFFR/Wondershowzen fame shot this seven-part documentary at a real-life Christian puppet camp, and the results are truly blessed. Once again, the pure, crystalized fucked-up-ness of reality trumps all. You just can’t make up shit like, “It’s always poor down there [Mexico]…it seems like there’s so many people that needs to be reached the Lord and puppets is one of the few things that are used.”
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