God, sex is so fun. We just like to get all hot and sweaty and rubby, you know? Just get comfortable with each other. Maybe you could fart freely in front of us sometime? It’s cool. The smell of our lovemaking should cover that stink up. Or we could just ignore it like we were deaf. Like, you could rip one while taking off your clothes, and we’d kind of blush and feel embarrassed for you, but then just take a deep breath through our mouth, shuffle through your fart cloud–squinting our eyes–and then awkwardly fan it away by shimmying our hands in front of your breasts or something.
Or we could just get really weird.
Fuck space?! That belongs on a t-shirt (wink, wink). A really tight t-shirt. And maybe we could wear it together, at the same time, while we form a human nutcracker and break open a Hot Pocket with our genitals. But enough pillowtalk. It’s this sudden rash of hot, sexy videos we’ve been debuting lately that’s got us all squirmy and excited-feeling. In the past, we’ve rung our hands at marketing meetings, worrying whether or not Super Deluxe has enough “t & a.” Which, obviously, we don’t. But in our own muted and nerdy way, we do.
First stop on this impromptu sex tour: today’s [”(Layers)”], which is one of our favorite series. The Sklar Brothers practically ooze intercourse magic as it is. But this latest episode goes gangbusters with the laciviousness: there’s glue-sniffing, rape whistles, body image issues and the cast from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
Next stop: the new I Am Baby Cakes. A couple diary entries back, Mark Cakes (as Brad Neely reveals his real name to be in this latest episode) opened up about his big crush on his dad’s girlfriend, Shirley Moats. Now he’s talking about olive fucking, hairy pee-pee’s and “yes” yelling.
Finally, we climax with our new series, Position Of The Day. It’s based on Nerve.com’s popular lil’ “how to do it in a bunch of funny and wacky ways” manuals that we’re sure you and your significant other have at least thumbed through at your local Urban Outfitters. The premiere episode is holiday-themed and involves cramming food products up butts.
Phew. That was intense. Intensely sexy.
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