In case you don’t regularly check Brad’s Web site, creasedcomics.com, we’ll catch you up to speed (because the rumors are a-flying): his assistant, Zeblinz, has confirmed that Mr. Neely is “consulting for a pre-existing television show this fall.” After making several calls to his Arkansas office, we in turn confirmed that Brad is indeed working as a p.a. on the set of “a pre-existing television show.” Maybe you’ve heard of it? It’s a little program called Two And A Half Men!! That’s right!! Two And A Half Men And Brad!! And Charlie Sheen!! Sheen and Neely. Sheely, really.
OK. Enough of that. Brad’s premiere today, Jesus F**king Christ, is a new lecture from the Professor Brothers. Which means a new batch of completely fucked up mutant students are in attendance at whatever community college class Frank and Steve teach at.
Every time Brad does one of these episodes, we spend half-an-hour pause-buttoning our way through the video just to study the malformed lumps who’ve unwittingly wandered into the Professor Brothers’ American history class. Sometimes they’re human. Other times, they’re sacks of onions.
But what we want to know is, who are they? And more importantly, what are their names? For the five people who read this blog, we present this challenge: submit what you think is the most fitting title for each of these Neely students in a comment below. Whoever comes up with the best monikers will get a free bag of Meatsies or something.
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Is this what your past 24 hours have looked like?
If so, you need to go outside, sit on a patch of grass and remind yourself that you’re not going to lose your virginity playing Halo 3. Or, God forbid, you become that guy in Team Tiger Awesome’s Halo Nights video. ‘Tis a grim fate walking in on your girlfriend getting blasted by Master Chief while a boy band gyrates and narrates the whole debacle. Gotta admit, though, we haven’t heard anything as catchy as that infernal song since SureShot did their thing on VH1’s Mission: Man Band.
Speaking of which, here’s the MP3 for Halo Nights. And here’s Team Tiger Awesome’s new “greatest hits” MySpace page. It features all their orchestral works to date. And for good measure, here’s a special “behind the music” snippet we shot of TTA filming Halo Nights. There’s some really funny stuff in this thing that we couldn’t show on our actual site. Enjoy!
And don’t forget to change your adult diaper sometime in the next week.
Senatorturer here. I don’t normally blog, but I felt like touching base with everyone.
A couple of weeks ago, I decided to give in and finally start an account on Myspace. I don’t like to brag or anything, but I’ve been getting a lot of friend requests from single women. It’s amazing how many girls have web-cams and edgy photos nowadays.
Recently, one girl in particular has gotten my attention. She seems different than the rest. Her name is Sharon, and she’s from Japan. A blonde from Japan! How exotic! I know what you are thinking. Long term relationships are ALWAYS a bad idea. But Sharon just feels right.
Her friends seem great too! I could totally see myself hangin’ with “I FROM DAT BANG CITY TEXAS MY NI**A.”
The only red flag that I’ve come across was on her “About Me.” She mentions having a boyfriend. I’m probably just overreacting. Her status is listed as single.
It has come to our attention that people were doing this whole short-form ha-ha thing long before the Internets. Apparently back in 1963, filmmaker guy Mel Brooks made this clip. It’s called The Critic and it’s about a befuddled old guy trying to make sense of modern art. Which is funny in and of itself since nobody these days gives a shit about giving a shit about whether art makes sense, much less modern art. Nonetheless, he won a freaking Oscar for it. You go, boy!
We’re not sure how well known this whole phenomenon is (we don’t get out much anymore), but we do know we’re never checking into a hotel room ever again without taking all the paintings and mirrors off the walls. Just to see if there might be a drawing of a giant banana behind them or something.
Secret Wall Tattoos is the name of this subversive practice. From what we know, it usually involves bands on tour that have a little extra time to kill in their hotel rooms. They get all hopped up on inspiration, remove a wall hanging, carefully outline its perimeters, and then meticulously draw a clandestine portal into another dimension (or an orange banana). The painting or mirror or whatever goes back up, and the masterpiece is concealed until the day the cleaning crew discovers it.
Apparently, the Queens of the Stone Age guys are all about this stuff. They have an amazing gallery of Secret Wall Tattoos on their Website. And there’s the MySpace page. Oh, and this video is a quick study, too.
secret wall tattoos
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The circle is complete. The servant has become the master. The Starbucks bathroom is filthy. Because Super Deluxe has combined forces with the magical Sklar Brothers!! Yes, we’re talking about those comedian twins that finish each others’ sentences and are all over TV and can be seen here at a tender age taking part in some kind of occult ritual…
Randy and Jason, along with their equally funny companion, Nick Kroll, are the stars of the FUCKING HYSTERICAL new series premiering today called [”(Layers)”]. It’s a reality Web show about the only agent in Hollywood who represents other agents, and the twin publicists who represent him (FYI, the Sklars play the twin publicists).
But that’s not enough Sklar, is it? We want more. Maybe Sklar quadruplets. Or not. Their new stand-up album, “Sklar Maps,” will do. It’s coming out October 2nd. And everybody who reads this should go buy it here. Or do you need a sample before committing to the big $10 purchase? OK, then. Here’s two very funny bits from the album.
G’day, mates! How ’bout a bunch of bloomin’ onion, hip-hoppin’ bouncers from Melbourne? That’s right. This crew of rhymin’ security guards is straight outta the Outback with an infectious flow reminscent of the late Steve Irwin. Just what do MervDaPerv, Bugzie and Big Bad CC Brown rap about? Surprise! Being unpredictably violent and beating up drunk people. Check dem lyrics:
“Sometimes I feel like some kind of animal/when I get the taste for blood like a cannibal/waving my fists like Ivan the Terrible/thirsty for blood like fucking Hannibal…”
Now go torture your ears at their MySpace page.
This is off the subject, but did anybody happen to Tivo the Kid Nation premiere last night? Videotape it? We’ll take a Betamax if you got it. Somehow, after all the hype and the controversy and the full-page ad in the New York Times yesterday, the whole thing just crept up on us like a boulder falling on Piggy’s head and–BAM!–we slept right through it.
Speaking of adolescent deviance, we’ve pinched off the third and final installment of our Dragon*Con 2007 odyssey for your viewing pleasure. And by “odyssey,” we mean “14-hour-long schlep through three layers of hotel lobbies filled with Star Wars wannabes, goth girls and utili-kilts.” It was nothing as exciting as this will be. Or this. But it was something. Really something.
…as explained by a cartoon about Mormons.
Everybody getting ready for the big celebration tomorrow? Apparently, 25 years ago this Wednesday, some Carnegie Mellon egghead became the first person in the world to ever slap a colon, dash and parentheses together, thus creating the first emoticon. And paving the way for 13-year-olds everywhere to express their deepest feelings through instant messaging.
Well, excuse us for being party poopers. But has everybody lost their goddamn minds? What about 8===> 0:’s birthday?! You know, the internationally-recognized emoticon for “blowjob.” Or “will you give me head?” Or “suck my dick.” We’ve searched around, but no one seems to know when 8===> 0: was born. Or care.
Well, rather than let 8===> 0: go on feeling like a motherless child, we are going to put an end to the cycle of neglect right here, right now. Attention uncaring populace of planet Earth: today is 8===> 0:’s honorary birthday!!! That’s right!
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