April 24th, 2007

Polish Man Chops Own Penis Off; Brits Force It Back On

This story raises all types of ethical questions about basic human rights in the U.K. Sounds to me like Mr. Dickless didn’t really want his penis any longer. Can’t a guy just be done with it if he wants? Why are the British so passionate about making sure penises stay attached to their respective owners?? No doubt, you can clip your toenails in a public place in London. Why not your dilznick??

Anyways, this is the scoop, courtesy of London’s Sun paper:

HORRIFIED diners watched in shock as a maniac sliced off his manhood in a crowded pizza restaurant.

The 35-year-old Pole burst into the Zizzi eaterie in central London and grabbed a knife from the kitchen.

willy-knife.jpg
Not the actual knife Crazy Town used to cut dick off.

He then leapt on a table and dropped his trousers as customers fled screaming.

A witness said: “There was blood everywhere. Everyone ran out of the place.”

Surgeons battling to save the severed willy tried to sew it back on in the first UK op of its kind.

Quick-thinking cops recovered the organ from the restaurant floor after subduing its crazed owner with CS gas.

The manhood was packed in ice and taken with the man to London’s St Thomas’s Hospital.

A spokesman there confirmed doctors had attempted to re-attach it, but the hospital refused to say whether the procedure had been successful.

The 200-seater restaurant on The Strand in central London was packed with runners and spectators from Sunday’s Marathon.

Sales rep Stuart McMahon, who was eating supper with his girlfriend, said: “This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about.

“Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out. Then he cut it off. I couldn’t believe it.

“The staff were really upset and there was blood everywhere.”

Police sped to the scene and restrained and handcuffed the man. Several diners were treated for shock by ambulance crews.

Last night cops were trying to establish the Pole’s background. He had left no identification in the clothing he discarded. A source said: “We believe he’s Polish and 35. We don’t know if he has a history of mental illness, but he’s clearly not a well boy.”

“He is now stable in hospital.”

The Royal College of Surgeons confirmed this was the first time that anyone in the UK had had their penis sewed back on.

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One Response to “Polish Man Chops Own Penis Off; Brits Force It Back On”

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